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    Chichi
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    The day ‘Agbo Jedi’ do me something!!

    do me something

     

    Nna! my mother called me, “You have been taking too much soda and sweets lately, it’s not good for a man oh” she indicated.

    ” Most men can’t perform their marital duties due to too much sugar in their waist” she stated to my irritation. This woman always come up with wrong ideas and perceptions.

    “Bia, let us buy some of Iya Kamiru’s agbo jedi, so we can clean your system,” she continued.

    By this time I couldn’t take it any longer, I was tired of the complaining, I rather take ten gallons of that bitter substance than listen to her complain again. Mothers and their wahala.

    My mother who was fluent in Yoruba whispered something to Iya Agbo’s ears, I didn’t hear what she said neither did I care. I just wanted to get over it.

    What this woman mixed, I couldn’t tell but it was black and nasty. I had a bad feeling about it but I just had to make the sacrifice for the greater good. I closed my eyes and gulped, it was over, she even gave me 2 Tom Tom sweets to sweeten my bittered throat.

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    Kind mother! I thought.

    2 AM midnight, my stomach grumbled, fumbled, mumbled, humbled in fact any kind of ‘MBLED’ that you know. It was too dark, the witches would be out by now for their daily meeting, Oh Lord my God, I need you the most now.

    I remember the last month’s tithe I didn’t pay, Oh Lord, is this  punishment for my sins, AHHHH!!! I remembered daddy freeze and his campaign against tithing

    ,

    “Oh Lord, let your enemies be scattered Lord”

    The disturbance in my stomach did not seize, outside I looked and saw an owl on top of my neighbour’s fence, that had to be that old mama next door.

    Before that day she had promised to deal with me for beating her young grandson.

    “Ahhhh!, mogbe what have I done to myself”…It’s all over in the voice of Kalistus (YAWA COMEDY), I thought.

    I thought of ‘Karashika’ and all the witchcraft movies I’ve ever watched, I was going to be an example and inspiration for Nollywood directors: “The End of Liberty”

    But when nature calls, you’re damned if you don’t answer, I wasn’t ready to poo on my new pyjamas, no one in, my area had one…

    I took my weapons of warfare, my toilet rolls (emphasis on the rolls cos I didnt know how long I’d be spending in the battlefront, my gigantic torchlight (fully charged) and my bible.

    I opened the door, you could hear the echo of the sound 30miles away, the whole witch gang knew someone just stepped out.

    I quoted John  3 vs 16 and Psalm 91, they can’t do me anything. I went off to the toilet in the backyard, opened the door, and OH LORD!

    Cockroaches, rats and worms were having the parties of their lives, I was doomed.

    I would never listen to mama again “God forgive me”. Iya Agbo, God punish you for me” I cried.

    The way I survived that night and the speed of light I used in getting into the house would be an episode for a movie/drama series. But I survived brethren to the Glory of God and the shame of the devil. Since then I’ve avoided sugary soda and Iya Agbo’s concoction.

    Praise the Lord for me brethren!

     

     

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