Is Divorce A Solution? 6 Questions Couples Should Ask
Not long ago, I went to Church to see my pastor. I met him with this young beautiful lady and I noticed that she was crying. At first, I didn’t know she was married. The lady presumably was in her early thirties was reported to have consulted her lawyer to prepare a divorce document to serve her husband on the premises that she is no longer enjoying her marriage. She said, “I am done, I don’t want to do it again”. It’s quite sad, right?
While counselling her, the pastor begged her to give him only six months to pray with her concerning the decision she was about to take. Responding, she said there was a cleric that told her the same thing a year ago and nothing changed.
Marriage is not a bed of roses; it takes a great deal of work and understanding to sustain the union of a husband and wife. In Nigeria, reports have it that the rate of divorces is increasingly high, and despite this, many couples are still contemplating filing for divorce.
However, It is against this background, we will look at 6 pertinent questions you should ask yourself first before committing to a decision that will turn your life on its head.
#1 Have you done enough? It seems like an obvious question to ask, but have you really done everything that you could in order to save the marriage? Of course, if you’re committed to getting out at all costs, then this isn’t a question that needs to be asked. Nor does it if there is a more serious issue at stake, like some form of abuse that exists within the relationship’s dynamic.
However, if you’re having a few pangs of regret at the idea of divorce, then it may be worth revisiting the journey to this position and being honest with yourself over whether you have truly done enough.
#2 Are you still in love? If you’re still in love with the person you intend to divorce, then you’re ignoring one of the most fundamental aspects of any salvageable relationship. Love can provide the foundation from which to rebuild those parts of your relationship that are causing so many issues. Of course, it isn’t the be-all and end-all, but ditching the love of your life is a step that should only very tentatively be taken.
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#3 Are you being overly influenced? Friends and family will usually have your best interests at heart, but sometimes their viewpoints can be a little askew. Make sure the decision to divorce is yours, and not one you have been pressured into.
#4 Will single life be better? A lot of people have strongly romanticized preconceptions of what single life is going to be like, and it’s rarely the case that reality meets the fantasy. The first few weeks might be fun, but with a significant part of your life removed, you’re almost certainly going to find it difficult to adjust.
But the biggest issue, of course, is loneliness. Your lifetime confidant, friend, and partner has suddenly been taken away from you, and even if all you did was argue, you will miss them keenly.
#5 Can you make it alone financially? Sometimes, you have to take material considerations into account, no matter how much you believe an issue such as divorce belongs to the realms of the heart. If you don’t have enough money in the bank to support yourself, if you’re likely to lose the house and the majority of your possessions to your wife/husband, then you may need to put things on hold until you’re in a better place. Now is not the time to jump in feet first, but the time to start putting plans in place.
#6 Can you live without the kids? If you have kids together, there is a chance, depending upon nation, region, state etc., that you’re going to lose custody. Worse, you could even lose access. Very few parents can experience such hardship well, and you could be putting your psychological health, and that of your children, at serious risk. It may be worth asking yourself if you shouldn’t wait until a more convenient juncture before committing to divorce.
Filing for divorce is such a life-changing act, and it will affect you and all those around you. Make sure you’ve asked yourself the proper questions before taking the plunge.
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