HANDLING LIBIDO DIFFERENCES IN MARRIAGE

During one of my Sex in Marriage seminars, a married man recounted an interesting experience:

“I was already sexually active before marriage, then I gave my life to Christ and stopped. My wife was born again and a virgin. When we got married, we discovered that I had a very high libido while she had a low libido and we began to have issues around sex. She saw my demands for sex as too high to meet, while I saw her as not satisfying me sexually.

To cut the long story short, we both had to reach a compromise which was to pray to God to either increase her libido or decrease mine so we can be on same frequency. God answered our prayers, my libido was reduced and we are no longer have sexual issues in our marriage”- Anonymous

“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are pure, if there be any virtue, think on these things”. Philippians 4:8

Sexual libido varies from person to person. Some have high libido, some average while some are low. Some marriages have scattered while some spouses have resulted into cheating because their sexual demands are not met by their spouses who have low libido, while those with low libido are confused on what to do.

The following tips should help handle libido differences in marriage:

1. Humbly tell your spouse about your situation so you both won’t be living in ignorance and can make informed decisions and get help together.

2. If your low or hyperactive sex drive is as a result of past abuses, traumas, addictions, myths etc, discuss it with your spouse for help.

3. Be willing to negotiate or compromise for solutions. As you both discuss, some helps will come that might require you shift ground to operate at same frequency with your spouse just like the example above.

4. You can put it in prayers as there is no situation God cannot help solve.

5. Read healthy books on sex and sexuality with your spouse, you’ll get help from professionals on the field.

6. You both can go for counseling sessions with your Family Doctor, Gynecologist, Sex Therapist, Marriage Counselor, etc. They’ll be of help.

7. There are foods and drugs which can help balance your libido whether high or low. You both should seek guidance from your Doctor or Nutritionist to explore this option.

8. Be free, open minded and willing to have and enjoy satisfying sex with your spouse. Let your mind be renewed from past bad experiences, traumas and negativity around sex.

Why lock up or go into infidelity because your spouse is not satisfying you sexually? Why remain in confusion because you don’t know how to satisfy your spouse sexually? Through effective communication, love, knowledge, willingness to adjust and God’s help, sex can get better in your marriage.

*MEDITATION:*
Your body belongs to your spouse and your spouse’s body belongs to you. Satisfying him or her sexually should be your priority.