I am so restless. Sleep is not coming. Will I really let Ray go like that? I love him but what he is demanding is what I have vowed to God to keep.
Endless thoughts run through my mind while I tossed myself about on the bed in my room that night.
I tip toe to check if my parents were fast asleep. I came close to the door and heard my dad snoring. I understood that he has left planet earth. I went back to my room; called Ray to leave his door open. Ray is my next door neighbour.
I tiptoe to the parlour, opened the door quietly and went to Ray’s room. He was shocked to see me. He thought something was wrong. Before he could open his mouth to ask I used mine to cover it with a passionate kiss. Before he could ask what is happening, We are already done with sex.
You told me you will leave me if I don’t give you sex. Now I have given you hope you won’t leave me anymore?
Ray started crying..I became confused. He should be happy that I gave him what he has been pestering me for, I thought within myself.
He looked at me and said; “You failed me. I loved you dearly. I loved you because you so much uphold sexual purity. I was looking forward to marrying someone who wouldn’t give sex to nobody no matter the threats. You just betrayed my trust.
• How am I sure if I marry you, you won’t give sex to your boss if he threatens to sack you?
• How am I sure you won’t betray me with my best friend?
• if you can break your sexual purity vow to God Almighty, who am I that you will not break my marriage vow if the need arises?
I just wanted to push you harder to see how serious you are with your vow to God.
Get out of my room you hypocrite!!”
I couldn’t find my legs. I was already tasting the saltines of my tears as I couldn’t hold it back while Ray was talking.
I managed to get home that night. Every of the scenes started playing in my head like a movie highlight. The words of Ray echoed in my head so strong like thunder.
I saw truth in them. I failed God. I stoop so low. I gave what I have been keeping for the past 25years within a twinkling of an eye. I wept till sleep closed my eyes.
* * * * * * * *
• You might have vowed to God to uphold sexual purity but along the line, you broke the vow by getting involved in sexual sins such as: Fornication, Masturbation, Pornography, lesbianism, homosexuality etc.
• You might have been a victim of Rape, child molestation and the trauma has made you to wallow more in sexual sins…
Listen, though you failed but it is not the end of the Road. You can still come out and turn a new leaf.
There is still hope for you. You are just like a tree, though cut down, it will still grow again.
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