7 Ways To Handle Defensiveness That Is Killing Your Relationship
No matter how good and mature people are in a relationship, there will be a conflict. And when that happens, the couple will resort to self-defence. Why do people get defensive? It’s your chance to learn the answer and how to handle defensive behaviour in loved ones and acquaintances.
The best way to handle defensive people is by looking at your own actions and changing your behaviour. Who would have thought, right? There’s always a reason why.
#1. you’re a threat to them. When people feel threatened, they become defensive. We’re no different from all the other animals walking around this earth. When there’s a threat, the automatic response is to defend yourself. If someone is acting defensive towards you, figure out what’s triggering them.
#2. They feel inferior to you. Rather than listening to you, they become defensive. Why? It is because they feel inferior to you. Now, they may not act defensively right away, but as time passes their defensiveness comes in the form of gossip. They would rather point out your flaws and mistakes. That way, you look smaller and less of a threat to them.
#3. They want to manipulate. When someone wants to manipulate you or a situation, they’re going to act defensively. Why? It is because they don’t want to be called out for their actions. When they feel you know what’s going on, they’ll act distrustful and guarded. But in reality, you’re the one who should be acting like this.
4 ways to deal with defensive behaviour
It can’t go on like this.
#1. Change perspectives. You’re seeing the situation in a very specific way, which isn’t bad but isn’t going to help you deal with defensive behaviour. Try to take a step back and look at the situation in a new light. Perhaps they’re reacting to behaviour in you that’s coming across as aggressive. Switch your perspective, and you’ll see results.
#2. Work on self-awareness. No one wants to look at themselves when trying to handle someone who’s behaving defensively. Now, I’m not saying it’s your fault, but there may be certain actions you do that act as a trigger. Become self-aware and look at the moments when they are defensive. What triggered their reaction?
#3. Apologize when you don’t express yourself properly. Acknowledging your behaviour and actions can make a huge difference when dealing with a defensive person. If you said something overly critical or aggressive, acknowledge that with an apology. Then, re-explain yourself.
#4. Speak up. Ignoring or avoiding someone who’s defensive may seem like a good idea, but it’ll backfire quickly. Eventually, you’ll explode out of frustration, and that’s not going to help the situation. When a situation occurs, instead of avoiding it, make sure you voice your thoughts and feelings. Most likely, you’ll be at your calmest.
If you felt you were losing your mind, you can take a deep breath now. Knowing why do people get defensive and how to handle this behaviour is essential if you want to overcome it.
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.