A lot of marriages begin the journey along the downward slope even before they got to the altar. Many people unknowingly signed a contract of marital failure before their wedding as a result of the choice of a life partner and the foundation they laid. The foundation of any building is always hidden, but the effect of its presence or absence is obvious to all to see. That is the reason a foundation must be laid with care. Those already married with a bad foundation should pray to God to repair their foundations. Beware of the following:
1. Bad foundation: Except a solid foundation is laid, the absence of a foundation, shaky foundation or even a wrong foundation will create problems in marriages.
“For other foundation can no man lay than that is laid which is Christ Jesus”. 1 Corinthians 13:11. If your foundation is built on money, wealth, beauty, position, gift, etc. Regret is inevitable. A solid foundation must be based on Christ Jesus.
Solution: Singles should be careful as they choose whom to marry. Marry in God; marry for the future not for today. Psalm 11:3
2. Impure Courtship: Fornication, the blatant transgression of the laws of God in courtship, cohabitation, abortions as a result of unwanted pregnancies, pregnancy before marriage do not go without their repercussions. You can’t transgress the law of God and go scot-free; it doesn’t work that way.
Solution: Renounce your past misdeeds as engaged couples and during your courtship days, as you seek forgiveness from God. Repent and ask for mercy from God. Singles should avoid sexual sins in courtship as much as possible.
You can get my book, Pure Courtship, for more on this. “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge”. Hebrews 13:4
3. Lack of Preparation: In a major number of cases, the preparation for the wedding usually supersedes the preparation for marriage. Preparation is the mother of manifestation. If you don’t prepare, you will have many things to repair. Many guys who did not prepare to become husbands and fathers while many ladies who never prepared to be wives and mothers, made a mess of the stage once they found themselves in it. “Prepare your outside work, make it fit for yourself in the field; and afterwards build your house” Proverbs 24:27
Solution: Singles should prepare meticulously for marriage. Improve yourself. Learn how to function as a wife or husband, mother or father. Learn the act of marriage; get matured. Attend pre-marital training, seminars, read marriage books, listen to teachings, tapes and attend marriage schools. Learn good things, unlearn bad characters and re-learn the old characters you have dropped along the line. Set your mind up for the best. “The preparations of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord”. Proverbs 16:1. My book: Preparing For Marriage will teach you how to prepare for marriage.
4. Wrong Mental Attitude: Marital failure is certain in the presence of a wrong mental attitude. Our mental attitude spurs our actions and reactions. It determines how we relate to people, situations or events. Some folks believe marriage is equal to bondage. Some sugarcoat it as a “bondage of love”. Some believe women are necessary evils while men are not to be trusted. Yet, some men believe that a woman is to be treated as a foot mat, an “immaterial thing”, not as a personality. Some women believe men are monsters. A majority of women believe that in-laws are bad. The list is endless. You can’t have this kind of mentality and not misbehave in marriage.
Solution: Whose report shall you believe? Stick with what God says about marriage. See marriage the way He sees it. “Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain life which He has given you under the sun, all your days of vanity; for that is your portion in life, and it the labour which you perform under the sun”. Ecclesiastes 9:9
© Bisi Adewale
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